Sapphire - Lyrical Demise

Sup Freestylers :D

I've finished my second track, please listen :D
Been rapping for about 2 months now so don't be to critical
The original beat is from Jedi Mind Tricks - Heavenly Divine, which i mixed.

I'd like to hear your opinion :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wywU881_Zxk

Lyrics:

My destinys manifest, Ill put your ears to the test
Put yours soul at rest, rhymes are god blessed.
Whos next? Ill leave your brain perplexed.

Sapphire's on the rise, Causing lyrical demise
Selfish people are who I despise
Ill keep on rappin, I wont remise
My lyrics cant be revised

False prognosis's, Leading my people like Moses.
The only one that can inject the right doses.
Music is vital, if you dont agree, youre in denial.
Ill put you in court, then start your trial.
Here comes the Interrogation.
Commercial rappers causing contamination.
Lyrically contorting them in to their coffins
My devotion is high, reach for the sky
Need no disguise, need no alibi, need no strategy
Give me a pen and paper and Ill succeed.

Sapphire's on the rise, Causing lyrical demise
Selfish people are who I despise
Ill keep rappin, I wont remise
My lyrics cant be revised

Listening to Inspirational music is what makes me strong.
Seeking for a way to prolong my life.
Dont got a father on my side to give me advice.
The drama at home is maddening.
As if Im Fighting lightning
Expressing my emotions by writing.
Ill reach my goal eventually
Visualizing Mentally
Although things arent the same in reality.

Sapphire's on the rise, Causing lyrical demise
Selfish people are who I despise
Ill keep on rappin, I wont remise
My lyrics cant be revised

Im not evil, Im malicious.
Deliberately rhyming words this vicious
Wont question my decisions
Non-fiction, You cant cope with the friction.
To much of anything can turn in to an addiction.

Sapphire's on the rise, Causing lyrical demise
Selfish people are who I despise
Ill keep on rappin, I wont remise
My lyrics cant be revised
Validation of narration, wont declare invasion.
Im not on a quest for world domination.
Will win every confrontation.
Cunningly dodge your bullets with mad evasion.
Wont make any exceptions,
When I kill you Ill add your head to my collection.

Oke,

you got a voice i really like.. only if you got a better mic or program or w.e it will be much better. also you don't have to say each word fully. try to shorten it sometimes so you're rap will get more smooth.

and yeah you need to work abit at pronounce english word. still can hear u are not english which i understand completely. but i think ill just give you some advice:)

keep up the good work bro.

Thanks, i used a headset mic, will use a better on for the next one :) and ur last comments requires practice and i just started :) so it will come in time, thanks for watching :D

no problem, i kinda edited my comment.. keep going on dude;)

I will :) thanks!

Sorry dont like it lol.. maybe later in the future ;)

Hmm nice work :D
i have no words for it ... =3